My goal was to write a blog post talking about this past year, and offer some quick ideas on how to better manage any stress you might be feeling. My first action taken toward this goal was missing my blog post deadline by over a month. I immediately felt increased stress due to my missed deadline, and struggled to find the motivation to start. There may be no better way to start a blog about managing stress. 😊
One of the most common ways a counselor or therapist might suggest, as a start to help you manage stress, is by helping you to lean into it and stop avoiding it. No one can avoid stress forever, so trying to not feel stressed or feeling bad about being stressed might actually be doing more harm than good. In fact, there is evidence that supports that stress is actually not even harmful, it is our attitude about how we relate to stress that is the problem. Kelly McGonigal lays it out better than I ever could in her TED talk from 2013.
OK cool. So, I just need to reframe my relationship with my stress. Let’s put some work into switching my thoughts up from “your heart is pounding because you failed at blog writing, and you always fail” into “hey, here is a bunch of energy to get your work done. Now go for it!” Which as I am writing this, is working pretty well!
But if this all sounds too good to be true, there are a couple catches here. The ideas behind reframing your relationship with stress are pretty simple, and these simple changes could mean significant changes in your mood and overall wellness. But one of my favorite sayings certainly applies “it may be simple, but it sure isn’t easy”.
If you made a list of everything adding to your stress at this very moment, that list might include: raising your family, work, medical issues, substance use issues, family emergencies, financial pressure, living through a global pandemic, larger community struggles, past memories that still weigh you down, the impending doom of the heat death of the universe, or this. A simple, “just relate to that better and your healed!” approach might sound ridiculous, impossible, or just complete malarky. You may have even been trying to look at the bright side for the past 12 months with few results. So what else can we do?
First of all, recognize that your feeling of stress is likely coming from an honest place. Typically, feeling stress is our bodies way of trying to keep us safe. It might not always work as intended, and maybe it’s not working the way it used to, but in many ways your stress is coming from a good place with good intentions. Trying to ignore your stress, or pretend it doesn’t exist may be more of a problem, than just trying to be cool with not being cool.
Secondly, maybe its time to seek out some help. When my family was in the NICU this year, one of the incredible nurses there put it so well, “you guys have tried everything you can, and you did great. But it’s our turn to help now”. If you feel like you’re your best, and have tried everything, maybe it is time to seek out the guidance of a mental health professional. Or you could reach out to a local support group, get involved in peer support, or maybe even just explore some online threads or communities! Using our connection with others, and getting through this together, is a major factor in learning to live more comfortably with your stress.
Well with that, it is time for me to pat myself on the back for a blog completed. Hopefully, you found any of that helpful.
Take that stress! I made you work for me.
Take care of yourself out there!
Tim, and the team at Resolve.
