Where’s the kitty?

“Where’s the kitty?” X asks as she peers down our hallway on her way into my office. We both hear a little jingle, and suddenly, Siggy and Cymba have emerged from their nap spot. X smiles as Siggy and Cymba follows us and jumps at her boot laces. Our therapy cats have only been with us a short time, but for the folks who like them, they’re already a game changer.

If you’re a “cat” (or dog, or ferret, or fish) person, you’ve felt the benefits of having pet companions—they make us laugh, sometimes know when we are sad or sick, and just generally improve our space with their presence. It turns out that researchers have been able to find evidence to support these experiences we all know. Here are some of the scientific benefits of having, or spending time with, a cat:

Studies have shown that pet owners have lower blood pressure during stressful situations and that just playing with a cat (or dog, or ferret, or…fish?) can elevate a person’s serotonin and dopamine levels—these neurotransmitters are responsible for making us feel calmer, more relaxed, and generally happier.

Several articles reference the frequency at which cats purr, which is 25-100Hz. It turns out this frequency is the same, or similar, to healing frequencies in therapeutic medicine. It can calm us down, drop our blood pressure, and even help our muscles.

As we learned during COVID Lockdown 2020, loneliness is an epidemic in and of itself. The role of pets can be paramount in offering companionship and the opportunity for some kind of physical touch, which we know is important for reducing stress hormones, increasing immunity, decreasing heart rate and blood pressure, and increasing relaxation.

Whether it is jumping at the sound of a toaster or the “cats are afraid of cucumbers” phase on YouTube, many of us can agree that cats are weird creatures that do very funny things. When things are funny, we laugh, and in addition to it feeling good, laughing activates a whole lot of good stuff—it can stimulate your heart, lungs, and muscles, send more feel-good chemicals to your brain, reduce physical tension and stress, and improve your mood. 

In several larger cities, public libraries have begun reading programs where animal volunteers are assigned to children who have struggled to read out loud—it turns out that the watchful eye of an animal offers support and confidence to kids so they can practice reading in a nonjudgmental atmosphere. Similarly, lots of hospitals and long-term care facilities have animal companions available—the companionship and physiological benefits just cannot be beat! Almost all of us at Resolve have pets of our own, so when the opportunity came to add furry staff members to our team, it was not a difficult decision. Siggy and Cymba makes us laugh when they are being wild (they are kittens, after all), and they curls up in our laps sometimes too. They even turned Janna into a cat person! Now it’s your turn. Tell us you cat stories! Do you like having a cat companion? What do they do that you love, or that makes you laugh?

REF: helpguide.org The Heatlh and Mood-Boosting Benefits of Pets
BBC.com The Complicated Truth about a Cat’s Purr
Greatergood.Berkeley.edu Why Physical Touch Matters for your Well-Being, The Science-Backed Benefits of Being a Cat Lover
Mayoclinic.org Stress Relief from Laughter? It’s No Joke

Dealing with Stress

My goal was to write a blog post talking about this past year, and offer some quick ideas on how to better manage any stress you might be feeling. My first action taken toward this goal was missing my blog post deadline by over a month. I immediately felt increased stress due to my missed deadline, and struggled to find the motivation to start. There may be no better way to start a blog about managing stress. 😊

One of the most common ways a counselor or therapist might suggest, as a start to help you manage stress, is by helping you to lean into it and stop avoiding it. No one can avoid stress forever, so trying to not feel stressed or feeling bad about being stressed might actually be doing more harm than good. In fact, there is evidence that supports that stress is actually not even harmful, it is our attitude about how we relate to stress that is the problem. Kelly McGonigal lays it out better than I ever could in her TED talk from 2013. 

OK cool. So, I just need to reframe my relationship with my stress. Let’s put some work into switching my thoughts up from “your heart is pounding because you failed at blog writing, and you always fail” into “hey, here is a bunch of energy to get your work done. Now go for it!” Which as I am writing this, is working pretty well!

But if this all sounds too good to be true, there are a couple catches here. The ideas behind reframing your relationship with stress are pretty simple, and these simple changes could mean significant changes in your mood and overall wellness. But one of my favorite sayings certainly applies “it may be simple, but it sure isn’t easy”. 

If you made a list of everything adding to your stress at this very moment, that list might include: raising your family, work, medical issues, substance use issues, family emergencies, financial pressure, living through a global pandemic, larger community struggles, past memories that still weigh you down, the impending doom of the heat death of the universe, or this. A simple, “just relate to that better and your healed!” approach might sound ridiculous, impossible, or just complete malarky. You may have even been trying to look at the bright side for the past 12 months with few results. So what else can we do?

First of all, recognize that your feeling of stress is likely coming from an honest place. Typically, feeling stress is our bodies way of trying to keep us safe. It might not always work as intended, and maybe it’s not working the way it used to, but in many ways your stress is coming from a good place with good intentions. Trying to ignore your stress, or pretend it doesn’t exist may be more of a problem, than just trying to be cool with not being cool.

Secondly, maybe its time to seek out some help. When my family was in the NICU this year, one of the incredible nurses there put it so well, “you guys have tried everything you can, and you did great. But it’s our turn to help now”. If you feel like you’re your best, and have tried everything, maybe it is time to seek out the guidance of a mental health professional. Or you could reach out to a local support group, get involved in peer support, or maybe even just explore some online threads or communities! Using our connection with others, and getting through this together, is a major factor in learning to live more comfortably with your stress. 

Well with that, it is time for me to pat myself on the back for a blog completed. Hopefully, you found any of that helpful.

Take that stress! I made you work for me.

Take care of yourself out there!

Tim, and the team at Resolve.

Ho Ho Ho...oh no!

I am super lucky to have LOVED the holidays growing up. Every holiday season, we would gather at my Great Grandma Roberta’s house for all the traditional foods and activities, and the same family members year after year. And then my Great Grandma developed dementia and the tradition changed. We started splitting the holidays between both my parents’ families and with the traditions already interrupted, it gave new license to change everything else. As an adult, I appreciate this. As a child, I was turned upside down. Traditions were important to me. They were all I knew!

Fast forward to my adulthood, traditions continued changing. Changes in my family (both positive and negative), medical emergencies, unexpected travel (or lockdown) have all deflated the heck out of traditions I have held strongly. I have felt very sad on days that are “supposed” to be merry and bright. And I know I am not alone. The holiday season—no matter your family or holiday cheer—is a tough time for many. I knew a lovely man who despised going anywhere with Christmas music and Christmas trees alight. It shut him down and made him angry. And when we talked about it, his reasons were good. He lost his dear mother on Christmas morning, next to a beautiful Christmas tree.

I am really blessed (yes I used the “B” word) to look forward to Christmas this year, with a ten-month-old daughter to see the whole season through. Last year was a different story. Many know this, but our pregnancy was high-risk. We spent most of November and December at Sanford or Mayo Clinic and finally had a risky surgery on December 17 to eliminate the problems a tumor was causing our daughter in utero. When we came back home, I was sore and scared and tired. There was no Christmas spirit in our home. We had no energy to decorate, especially not knowing the future for our little one. My partner and I got through the holiday season the best way we knew how. We talked about it and we decided on the things that would make us happy.

So if you are struggling this December, know that I see you. I see you faking a smile and telling others “happy holidays.” I see you going through the motions, or coping in whatever ways you can. And I offer you a few suggestions to survive and thrive this year (even in the midst of a global pandemic). Through getting creative in my own life and pulling ideas from greater minds, here are some ideas to try for yourself:

•  Clarify your holiday values. Think about what this season means to you—does this time of year center around religious observations? Is family most important? Or service? There’s no wrong answers here. But once you can get clear about what’s most important to you, you can cut out the stuff you don’t enjoy and focus your resources (time, money, energy) on what matters. For example, one Christmas when family circumstances left my partner and I without plans, we volunteered to make dinner at the Ronald McDonald House here in Fargo. It was absolutely a shift in perspective.

• Give back. There’s a reason this is on every list of all time—finding an organization or cause that matters to you creates goodwill to men twofold. First, there are many important causes that need our support and finding a way to do so helps individuals right here in our community. Secondly, giving in whatever capacity you are willing and able kicks its benefits back to you! Getting outside ourselves often changes our perspective and lifts our moods. That can’t be a bad thing at the end of 2020. For a list of places that need our support this time of year, check out the Guide to Giving Back This Holiday Season by Fargo Mom.

• Take good care. Self-care has become another four-letter word these days with its emphasis on bubble baths and “me time.” But I’m just asking you to take care of yourself. Do those routines that keep your body and mind up and running. Keep up with your typical hygiene practices. Read a book that is meaningful. If you don’t enjoy reading find a great podcast. Make time for prayer or reflection and meditation. Move your body, whether inside the comfort of your home or out in the elements. And finally, check in with yourself—if you are not feeling festive, let yourself not feel festive. If you are sad, know that your sadness is okay. If you are channeling your inner Kris Kringle, go with it!

• Say it out loud. Community-based support groups exist for many issues, including addiction, codependency, and depression. Most of these are easy to find online (or ask us!). Call a friend or family member that has your back. Calling FirstLink at 211 or the Suicide Prevention hotline at 1-800-273-TALK are always available to make sure you are never alone.

• Make a plan. Are you trying to avoid drinking alcohol this year? Decide what kind of “special” drink you will have for yourself instead. Trying to avoid all the holiday goodies? Think about what you will enjoy while others eat fudge. Going out of town (Covid-permitting)? Consider how to keep in place the important routines you have. If the holidays promise to knock your habits and routines over on their axis, it will time well spent to think ahead about how you want to address these.

• Get creative. If your traditions are topsy turvy this year, see if there are ways you can get creative with celebrating in a new way. 

  o   Try buying (or making) festive clothing. I recently scored a Home Alone t-shirt that I am now obsessed with and will be wearing more than is socially acceptable.

  o   No budget for a Christmas tree? No problem! Search online or ask a friend for alternative ideas. One of my favorites is using old recipes or pieces of paper taped to the wall in the shape of a tree. Bonus—no kids or critters can knock it over or steal your ornaments!

  o   If you are in a gift exchange, what can you make, either craft or consumable, to share instead of stressing out about buying something?

  o   Try making a new tradition that is unlike the ones you grew up with. In our house, we now make Christmas enchiladas. Not a traditional Christmas food in the Pytlik house, but it hit all the right notes when we introduced it a few years ago and a new tradition has now begun.

I hope you find what you need here. I hope you get what you need and find something to take home. Don’t leave me hanging—what is helping you survive and thrive this holiday season? Which idea are you looking forward to trying?